Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
