We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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