Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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