as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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