my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
