Duck Duck Cougar?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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