her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
