The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just google imaged poop.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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