Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
