i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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