She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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