I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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