YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
