I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
