she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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