u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I won the penis lottery.
Barsexuality is the new black.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
