I think my fart just growled at me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
