i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize