I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
