fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
