btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize