Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
