come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
