The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
