Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
