i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
