made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
