just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
