so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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