living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
