Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
