People in love make me want to vomit
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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