so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
