There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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