I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
