i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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