after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
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oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?