break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
