Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.

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  (816): We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs. http://tfl.nu/qooi
  Replies (24) Good night (4618) Bad night (837)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?

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  (410): I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this? http://tfl.nu/lrwi
  Replies (27) Good night (464) Bad night (4495)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?

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  (860): do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours? http://tfl.nu/hqbo
  Replies (46) Good night (2702) Bad night (8239)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

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  (847): My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo http://tfl.nu/wnvu
  Replies (31) Good night (1216) Bad night (6599)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Want any specific kind of beer?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Yeah. Alcohol flavor.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got it. Anything but Miller.

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  (701): Want any specific kind of beer? (623): Yeah. Alcohol flavor. (701): Got it. Anything but Miller. http://tfl.nu/wg65
  Replies (39) Good night (7105) Bad night (845)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.

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  (910): He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/jw7m
  Replies (26) Good night (5842) Bad night (1314)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

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  (651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow. http://tfl.nu/8b4m
  Replies (13) Good night (8692) Bad night (1234)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.

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  (505): Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you. http://tfl.nu/lhr4
  Replies (11) Good night (824) Bad night (2675)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?

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  (847): HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT? http://tfl.nu/wczu
  Replies (17) Good night (2502) Bad night (1312)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.

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  (256): Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important. http://tfl.nu/3x1r
  Replies (4) Good night (1728) Bad night (537)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood

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  (931): his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood http://tfl.nu/n403
  Replies (20) Good night (3864) Bad night (986)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.

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  (832): Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person. http://tfl.nu/f02c
  Replies (7) Good night (782) Bad night (1143)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished

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  (775): You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished http://tfl.nu/zdpg
  Replies (5) Good night (776) Bad night (394)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.

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  (204): Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that. http://tfl.nu/ii5o
  Replies (0) Good night (280) Bad night (263)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"

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  (850): It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!" http://tfl.nu/ndge
  Replies (6) Good night (311) Bad night (325)

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