Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.