just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
