There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect