i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
