i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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