and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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