she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
