Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
