but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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