I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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