At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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