by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
