yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
