I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need a beard to bite.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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