Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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