are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
