I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
