Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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