angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
