but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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