I wanna passion pit in your ass
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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