Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
