I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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