all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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