I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
