I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
