Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye