It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.