just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...