Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"