24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER