How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.