This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
