What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.