he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
