Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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