A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
