Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
