I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
