im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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